That's what I'm afraid of. "Not being enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough."

This quote was said by Sophia Bush's character Brooke Davis on One Tree Hill.  I must admit, that is one of my favorite shows, along with NCIS.  I found this quote on twitter and it made me start thinking.   This is how I feel about my own life, maybe just not the latter part.

I worry all the time that my boyfriend will leave me.  I am always wondering why he's with me when there are so many other girls he could be with.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him.  And then I start thinking am I a good daughter?  What if I'm not a good enough friend?

With school I wonder if I'm good enough to graduate in a few weeks with my masters.  Am I good enough to get a job? What if I am good enough to get a job, but not smart enough to actually handle the job?

I feel like this quote just opens up a whole lot of what if questions. And to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm ready to answer those questions or not.

As for the last part, I'm a tomboy.  I've never felt pretty.  I'm more comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt than I am in a skirt and high heels.  I will dress up when I need to, but only for the amount of time I need to wear it.  My boyfriend all the time tells me to be more girly, and I try, for him.  But I'm not comfortable with that because that's not who I am.  And while he always tells me how pretty and beautiful I am, there's always a part of me that doesn't believe him.  I guess that's because I was always made fun of growing up. I've had to wear glasses since I was in second grade, braces in eighth grade didn't help either.  I never really had a boyfriend until now either.  Somehow my boyfriend fell in love with me. For that I am lucky.

While I sit here and question whether I am good enough for anything, I know in the back of my mind I am.  People took a chance with me, offering me a job, accepting me into grad school, going out with me, being my friend for all these years, etc.  It is with the help of all these people who make me believe I am good enough.  Instead of sitting here writing and thinking about how I am not good enough, I need to get out there and show people I am good enough.  I also need to prove to myself I am pretty enough.  As long as my boyfriend believes I am, I guess that's all I need.  It doesn't matter what other people think.  Heck, it only matters what I think.

I know I am good enough and smart enough. I'm working on being pretty enough.